The 5 key steps we need to move into our greatness as women of color
I am valuable.
Seems a simple enough statement, but after spending my life laser focused on doing— getting my medical degree, going to the best training program, volunteering for all of the committees, writing the research papers, completing more leadership training program — I realized I subconsciously was not just trying to improve myself, I was trying to prove to myself that I was valuable.
Of course, I knew I was valuable, right? I was the first one to cosign onto #Blackgirlmagic and memorize every James Baldwin and Maya Angelou quote I could, but I do believe now many of my decisions to push myself to the limit (i.e. obsessive overachiever) were driven by the fact that I didn’t fully believe it.
It’s not hard to discount your value, when no matter what level of “success” you achieve, you are still overlooked for the promotion, picked on for the smallest mistake and paid half of what your counterparts who are white or male make. After seeing the steady flow of stories of Black lives that were cut short, with little to no regard that they were human beings with families, it is pretty hard not to internalize that you aren’t valuable.
So many of us Black women are hurting after reflecting on how this society disregards the value of our lives. How long do we have to endure the countless murders of young boys, girls, women and men who look like us or just the everyday racism and microaggressions to just keep our families fed, clothed and housed? What will my daughters believe about themselves?
As a Black woman and physician, I have been trained to often ignore my own pain and needs and prioritize the person in front of me who I vowed, almost 16 years ago, to treat. As wives, we become accustomed to putting our spouses first. As moms, we always put our kids first our open ourselves to shame and judgement.
However, I believe there are 5 things that can really change our lives and compel us to stop letting life just happen to us. This is particularly important for women of color in professional careers who have endured difficult moments because we were told the other side would be worth it.
Ask yourself, was it worth it? And if you can’t immediately and unequivocally answer yes, then you might want to keep reading.
SLEEP
Before I sat down to write this, I woke up early this morning and realized that I was still tired but I pushed that to the side, in order to get the things that “needed” to be done accomplished. However, when we do this, we are walking through life with a constant fog and the mission that we have to complete becomes cloudy. We doubt it and don’t make the moves we need to make. I actually decided to take a one-hour nap, which turned into 5 hours. Why? I had to say that I was worth it. How is lack of sleep keeping you from accomplishing your goals, from being a better mom, physician, wife or business owner? How can you say this thing has to wait, because with some sleep, it will be even better?
VALUES
If I asked you what are your values, what would you say? Too often, we have never verbalized the things that are core tenets f how we want to work, live and grow. Without that clarity, we are moving through life without any guidance. Values are the way that we can make decisions and feel peace. When we aren’t aligned with our values, making decisions is super difficult and extraordinarily draining to the point that we just refuse to do it. Then we stay stuck where we are. If you Google “list of values”, identify the top 10 that resonate with you and have those somewhere you can see them when considering how to move forward.
STRENGTHS
If someone, asked you what is your zone of genius? How would you respond? According to the book by Gay Hendricks “The Big Leap”, too many of us are stuck living life in our zone of excellence at best. However, the things that invigorate us, the activities that we can spend days doing and doesn’t feel like work- our natural abilities- often do not become the things that we get to spend the majority of our day doing. Many times, it is due to the fact that we often are laser focused on our deficits and spend too little time on where we shine. It is critical for us to identify these things and then rework our lives to include these strengths within our work. These are the essential ingredients in the recipe for longevity and fulfillment.
REFLECTION
I am going to assume that I am not the only woman of color, or woman physician of color, who has filled up her days, doing all of the things, that there is absolutely no room or space for reflection. Why is that? Why have we decided that the challenges that we have overcome don’t deserve the time for analysis and learning lessons so that we can repeat them again and again. Too often, this is the reason, many of us continue to repeat the same mistakes and make the road to our greatness much longer than it has to be. When we only take the time to analyze what went wrong and not what went right, we do a big disservice to our lives and our futures. We have to make the space to focus on our challenges, so we can marvel and realize our resilience.
ACCOUNTABILITY
Sometimes achievement can be our biggest barrier. So many of us have achieved such great things, that we often tell ourselves we should be satisfied with where we are. We should be fulfilled. However, if you are here for a purpose that is even bigger than what has happened in your life already, that inner urge will never be quenched. When we have those big dreams, we often are unwilling to share, for fear of being judged, ridiculed or worried that it will be taken from us. When we don’t share, we hinder the networks that may be needed, the blind spots that others can uncover for us and the clarity that others can give to make it feasible. Not everyone needs to know our vision, but someone does who can honor it and help you make it grow and become real.
When we don’t do these things we live life in the status quo. I believe we’ve gone through too much in our careers to live the status quo.
So I invite you, if you are a woman of color, to share what you have bee settling for. Too often, when we keep it inside, we suppress and believe that wishful thinking will manifest our purpose or that it will just take time. If we don’t tale these steps, our dreams start looking insurmountable and we stay where we are.
Instead, we need to use that mountain to take the leap to the place we were meant to be. I believe we don’t have to overwork, we don’t have to work in a job that we don’t enjoy anymore, we don’t have to spend inadequate time with the finally we love, we just have to say that we are worth more.
This is how we live a life that drains us, instead of one that elevates us.
So with everything going on- the trauma that we are dealing with right now from loved ones who have been gone too soon, the anxiety of working on the front lines or the stress of trying to integrate family and work, it is time to pivot into your new normal and keep going. The question is will you take the money, time and energy to make the leap?
When you are finally ready to be fulfilled & change your life, it’s not going to happen without you being clear on your purpose, mission, values and strengths. Also, you will need a plan and accountability.
With the pain, loss and anger, how can you use that to motivate you to change? This is not the time to hold back, it’s the time to push forward.
What excuses are you making that are stopping your greatness and your vision?
Tomorrow isn’t promised. It’s time to make your first step.
A better future is waiting.
Omolara Thomas Uwemedimo, MD, MPH
CEO &Founder, Melanin, Medicine & Motherhood
CEO & Founder, Strong Children Wellness Medical Group, PLLC
Dr. Omolara Thomas Uwemedimo is a board certified pediatrician for over 15 years, public health professor, researcher and health equity advocate for women and children of color. Dr. Uwemedimo is CEO of Strong Children Wellness, a community-based medical practice in New York and founder of Melanin, Medicine & Motherhood, an organization focused on supporting the retention of Black women physicians in medicine, in order to ensure equitable for families of color. Every month, she runs her 12 week life-transformation program, MPOWERED, for ambitious, Black women physicians who are tired of settling for life as it is and are ready to do the work to live the life they deserve. You can learn more about MPOWERED here.
She has dedicated the majority of her career to communities of color, by providing medical care as well as developing programs to strengthen delivery of integrated healthcare and health education. She has worked in NYC, Boston and globally in 12 countries across sub-Saharan Africa, Asia and the Caribbean. She is a national speaker to both physician and community audiences in the fields of implicit bias in healthcare settings, inclusion and equity for women physicians in healthcare, racism in health, and health of marginalized children and families, including immigrants, low-income and racial/ethnic minorities. She has been featured in several media outlets including ESSENCE, Newsweek, Reuters, NPR and CNN.